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What to do if you just had a fight

  • Cool down first a bit, when the adrenalin is pumping and both of you are angry you won’t think straight.  It’s a good habit to just say to your partner that you need some time to cool down.  If you talk about the argument right away, chances are that the discussion will heat up again.
  • Do not pretend the fight didn’t happen. In the long run, these unspoken frustrations will add up.
  • Really apologize. Apologizing is not about who is right or who is wrong.  It is apologizing about the reaction that may have evolved into a heated discussion.
  • Talk about it. A communication stop is the same as continuing the fight. The silence will keep that tension between you.
  • Really go to the core of the issue. To illustrate with an example: you have a fight about a specific purchase. The core issue is not that purchase. Don’t waste your energy on that.  The core issue may be your financial situation or lack of a good job.
  • Find action points to solve the core problem. Taking actionable steps shows your partner that you are willing to change and that will soothe tensions.
  • Try to have an understanding of each other’s views on the argument.  The mere fact that you are at least trying to view the problem from the standpoint of your partner shows your ability for empathy which is important in a relationship.

Ways to make up after a Fight

Sometimes it’s good to do something special for your partner after a fight.  We all have some stressy days where you overreact to your partner.  We regret those moments. To get a positive momentum going again in the relationship it’s great to organise something to make it up.

  1. Buy a dozen roses, but don’t just give it to her.   Instead, you attach a little message on each rose.  The first message you apologise.  The second message you say that you regret the fight.  The third how much you love her and so on. Before she comes home you put the roses one by one on the way to the room that you are in.  She will have read every message and then see you in that room.  If you choose your messages right, your chances of making up are good.
  2. Try to organise something as fast as possible.  If you had an argument during the day and made up, it’s a good idea to surprise her in the evening with a romantic date, you can find a lot of inspiration here.
  3. Breakfast on bed is great because you can do this every day.  Even when he/she has to go to work. Find our breakfast in bed guide here.
  4. Do a massage to relieve stress.  Arguments often occur during times of heightened stress.  Doing a little massage can have a double effect.  A way to make it up and a more relaxed partner as a result.

How do you avoid arguments?

  • Always express your frustrations with one another. Wait for the right moment, but don’t put it off
  • Never be offensive or humiliate your partner.
  • Look for underlying causes and tackle them
  • Avoid long term stress situations.  Do an effort to relax from time to time.

Related questions:

How do I get my girlfriend/boyfriend to talk to me after a fight?

  • Let it cool down first. As mentioned before in this article, you need to relax first before you start talking again.  If you talk immediately the discussion will heat up again.  Every person is different, some need more time to get calm again.  Just express it to you your partner when you need some time alone.
  • Depending on the severeness of the fight, humour is always a great option.  But beware, if the situation is too severe, humour can have the opposite effect as it can seem that you are not taking your partner serious.  You should feel what is appropriate.
  • Sending a text message while you are both in the same room, can start the conversation again.
  • Don’t say anything and give a hug when things have calmed down.

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